This Gilded Cage
by kamz00r
Summary: Surana was a strong and clever Mage who only dreamed of a life outside stone walls. Cullen was a young and naive Templar who lacked the courage to speak his mind until it was too late.


Being a Templar in the circle wasn't as hard as some seemed to think it was. Citizens outside the tower believed the job to be terribly dangerous and while there was _always _the threat of an abomination getting loose, the mages usually kept to themselves.

The Templar Cullen noticed one mage in particular kept to herself extremely well. Her name was Neria Surana and she was all he ever thought about these days. He had heard stories about her arrival years ago. The Templars had brought her in during a storm. She had come in wet, tired and she had the nastiest scowl on her face. Her escorts had taken her straight to First Enchanter Irving, offering the child sweets and milk and other treats along the way but nothing they offered brought even the smallest smile.

Some Templars did their best to make the children they brought in feel a little more at home but it seemed nothing would phase her. At least not until she had met the First Enchanter.

They had found him sitting in his study, huddled over an old tome. He had greeted her earnestly but she had ignored his attempts of friendship. Instead she took to studying the room. Irving had taken the moment to speak with the Templars who had brought the young mage. While they discussed her arrival, Neria had slipped past the group to get a better look at the extensive bookshelf that stood behind Irving's desk.

When the group looked back to her, the elf had made herself comfortable in the enchanter's chair. She too had huddled herself over the old tome just as Irving had done, her small finger tracing the lines as she read.

The Templars had looked startled, but Irving had laughed and told her she could take the tome to bed with her if she wished. She had lit up like the sun when he offered this to her and from then she had become one of his star pupils.

The story of Neria Surana's arrival was well known indeed by the towers older residents. However, Cullen looked to her now and figured nothing had really changed since then. Yes, life as a Templar in the tower may have been as boring as a box of quills, but he believed Neria would find receiving a box of quills to be the high light of her day.

When he had first noticed her, it had been in of the circle's many libraries. Now, most of the Templars and mages knew Neria never liked to be disturbed while studying. Heck, she didn't like to be disturbed in general. But Cullen had been new and young and he couldn't help but introduce himself to the cute elf sitting alone by the fireplace.

"Good evening." He had said with a smile.

Neria had looked up from her book speculatively.

"My name is Cullen, I'm uh, I'm new to the circle." He had claimed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Neria only 'hmmd' in response before she looked back down to her book.

But Cullen was not dissuaded by her cool response. Instead he had sat down next to her at the table. The other mages who were there had stopped what they were doing to watch. A few giggled and pointed while others shook their heads sadly. Poor kid had no idea what he was doing.  
"What are you reading?" He asked curiously.

Neria lifted her book to show the title without taking her eyes away from the pages. 'A History of the Avvars' it read. Cullen noticed the thickness of the book and cringed. "Is it a part of your studies, then?" Why else would anyone read such boring tales.

The elf still did not look up, but she did speak. "No." She said quietly.

Cullen did a mental jump. She had finally spoken up! "So it's just a bit of light reading then?" He asked jokingly.

"I suppose." She mumbled.

"So how long have you been in the circle?" He asked.

Now Neria put her book down to glare coldly at him. Her gaze made him freeze. By magic or sure will alone, he would never know, but the look she shot him told him to shut the hell up. "Do you need something of me, Templar?" She asked harshly.

"N-no, I was just-"

"Then please, in the future I implore you to think twice before you decide to interrupt my thoughts with your idle and meaningless conversation." She stated before gathering her things and leaving the library, her robes following her gracefully as she exited the room.

The other mages had gone back to what they were doing with small smiles on their faces and whispering amongst themselves.  
Another Templar had come in and scolded him for sitting on the job but as Cullen got up to go back to his post he felt dazed. That elf had scolded him in front of a room full of mages, she made his blood freeze with a glance. She had been curt and rude and she had the prettiest eyes. Yes there was no doubt about it, he was definitely in love.

As the years passed Cullen watched her from a distance. She never spoke to the others unless they approached her. The only mages she started conversations with had been the First Enchanter and few of the older mages like Wynne. She was always busy and he had never seen her smile.  
She seemed wise beyond her years but this seemed to scare off most of the other mages. And the few mages who had gone out of their way to speak with her were trouble makes in Cullen's book. One of them, Anders, was always bothering her. Stealing her books as she read, interrupting her spells during practice. At first she had been on the verge of setting his hair on fire but with time a certain fondness grew in her eyes whenever he greeted her.  
Cullen didn't approve. Anders was always escaping the tower and creating more trouble for the Templars. He was dangerous. And on top of that he was a huge pervert.

Then there was Jowan. Like most others, when he first tried to speak with Neria she had brushed him off coolly but he never got the hint. He took to her quickly enough. He ignored her cool glares and cruel tongue. Instead, he would sit with her during lessons or partner up with her during duels. He asked her questions about the curriculum, she would in turn tutor him through the harder subjects they took. A strange friendship had formed between the two.  
Again, Cullen did not approve. Sure Jowan seemed friendly enough, but there was something fishy about him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. But then again, maybe he was just envious of the few who had made it in to her inner circle. Envious of their courage. He did not have boldness they did.  
When he did try to speak with her all his determination seemed to drain completely. He would find himself staring at her like a fool, trying to spit out the right words, but they never came. So he watched.

It was during lunch when Cullen decided to man up and speak to the woman. She sat at a table with a few of the other older enchanters. Jowan shared the seat in front of her.

He saw Neria had brought her work with her as usual and her plate seemed to be untouched. She always seemed to be busy. With what, Cullen never knew. The Templar took his plate and set his course for her table. The Templars who sat where he usually did watched him. Some grinned and shot him encouraging gestures. A few watched him in disapproval.

Cullen paid them no attention. Instead he kept his eyes on Neria's face as he approached. He could feel his heart beating in his throat. The few older enchanters that sat with her smiled warmly as he placed his plate next to hers. She looked up from what she was writing to stare at him. He almost turned around.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked sheepishly.

She was quiet for a minute before she shook her head. "No." She said before looking back to her work.

Cullen grinned and sat down next to her, resting his chin in his palm as he watched her scribble things down on some paper. _Start the conversation! _He implored himself. "May I ask what you're working on?"

Jowan shot him a sly look but he didn't comment.

"A theory on the Black City and its symbolic importance." She said without looking up.

Anders had strolled over and stole one of her rolls before waltzing back out of the cafeteria. Neria didn't pay him any mind.

Now Cullen hadn't watched her all these years without picking up a few things about her. He had noticed that was right handed, that she didn't like to keep her hair down, that she liked tea in the mornings, but most importantly he had noticed how to get her talking.

"The Black City?" He wondered aloud. "I remember hearing stories about it in the chantry."

Neria looked up from her writing to look at him, her eyes shining. One of the enchanters laughed.

"Yes, the Chantry believes it to have once been the seat of the Maker." She said.

"You have other views?" Cullen asked.

And it all went smoothly from there. When lunch was over Neria followed his next post, speaking of the Fade, the Imperial Chantry, and the Fraternity of Enchanters. Cullen found himself sincerely interest in what she had to say. Her opinions were thought provoking and Cullen found himself asking more questions than he expected.

Before she left him that afternoon she passed on a few books to him. "In case you had anymore question." She said.  
Cullen nodded. "Yes, thank you Ms. Surana."

"Please, call me Neria." She insisted. Then before she turned to leave she gave him a very brief, very small smile. "This has been a very stimulating day. Good talking to you Cullen." She said before walking off.

Cullen felt his heart burst. She smiled! She had smiled at _him_! As soon as he saw her form round the hallway he shot a fist in the air happily. Things were starting to look up.

Another day Cullen had been on duty in the library. He usually chose the area because that's where Neria could be found most often. It had been a months since they started talking and things could not have been better. Of course, Cullen still lacked the courage to fess up on his feelings for the elven mage. To anyone else it seemed his romantic intentions were obvious, but Neria had never been very good at catching on to _these _sorts of things.

But Cullen could wait. He would summon up the courage eventually and until then he was content with just being her friend.

When he entered the library he had expected to see her eye deep in books. Instead, he found her usual desk empty. He searched the large room but there was no trace of her. It wasn't until he had passed a few bookcases when he found behind one of the larger shelves, sitting on the windowsill.  
Her legs hung to the side and her head was leaned against one of the walls as she stared out the window. One of her arms also hung down to her side. It was such an unusual position for her to been in. Her usual form had an air of professionalism, but she seemed to almost slump now. As if someone had placed her there. Cullen found his pace quickening to see her.

She looked over when she heard his footsteps. He almost let out a relieved sigh. "Uh, Hey. What are you doing here Neria?" He asked, coming to stand beside her.

Neria's expression did not change. She just looked from him then back out the window. "It's snowing." She stated.

The Templar leaned over to see that it was indeed snowing. "Oh, I hate the snow. Always gets stuck in the wrong places." He laughed before he realized what he had just said. "Oh! Excuse me! I mean, uh, it's just, it gets really cold and um, sometimes it gets in your armor!" He stuttered out. _Stupid, she doesn't care about that!_

"I wouldn't know." She muttered.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" He asked. Ugh he _knew _she didn't like repeating herself.

"I wouldn't know. What it feels like to have it in my armor." She clarified, her eyes never leaving the window.

Cullen stared at her for a moment. That's right. She had grown up here. She probably couldn't even remember a time before this.

"Don't you. . .you know, feel it? When you cast your spells?" He asked.

"No." She stated.

Duh, he knew that too. Cullen felt awful. She had never spoken about missing the outside world. She never complained about the living conditions or the Templars breathing down her neck like the other mages did.

Neria opened as far as she could and slid her arm through the crack, letting the snow fall in her hand. It was as close as she could get to it. "Sometimes, I think this 'gift' is more of a curse, Cullen. To be pulled from society like this. To never feel the sunshine on my face, or the snow drench my clothes." She scoffed.

Cullen said nothing. He stared at her sadly as she played with the snow that fell into her palm.

"I wish I could see the world, Cullen. I wish I could learn everything on the outside." She sighed. A cool wind rushed through the window, brushing her hair. She closed her eyes as it did so.

"Don't the books teach you?" He asked quietly.

"It's not the same." She said irritably. "My knowledge comes from these books but you can't achieve wisdom through emotionless pages, Cullen."  
He went quiet again. Neria scowled and slammed the window shut. "I'm stuck here. We're _all _stuck here." She turned to look at him. "Don't you wish you could get out? Visit the Amaranthine Ocean? Sail across to Antiva or Orlais?"

Cullen didn't say anything for a minute. "We'd look awfully out of place in Antiva." He finally said.

Neria looked up at him in surprise before spitting out a loud laugh. It surprised Cullen at first but as her laugh grew louder he couldn't help but laugh with her as well. "Yes, you're right. Orlais too, I would imagine." She said, calming her laughter. "But one can dream." Neria paused to look back up at Cullen, her eyes softening in a way he'd never seen before. "Thank you Cullen. For listening to a silly mages rants." Her arms wrapped around his neck gently and gave a small squeeze. It took Cullen a minute to realize she was hugging him. This was the most physical contact he'd ever seen her take part in. Releasing him (much to the Templars regret) she got up from her place on the window sill and patted her robes off. "I think I'll head back early today, Cullen."

Cullen nodded. "Good evening, Neria."

She nodded her goodbyes and left the library.

He watched her go, a frown forming on his face. He had never realized before, but she was unhappy. She didn't want to be here anymore than the other mages and for some reason that distressed him as well. She was unhappy because she could never leave, he was unhappy because she wanted to and there was nothing he could do about it. No matter his feelings for her she was a mage and he was a Templar. His duty was to keep mages from losing themselves to the fade and to keep them from escaping.

The fact that it was his very position that kept Neria from her happiness made him feel worse than anything imaginable.

A few years later the Grey Warden showed up. Cullen cursed the day he did. It seemed nothing but bad news occurred after his arrival.

Neria had finally made it to the ranks of Circle Mage only to have it ripped away from her the instant Jowan cut his palm, confirming the suspicions of his blood magic. Now all Cullen could do was watch as Greagoir threw every threat he could at her. Irving did nothing to help and when she spared at glance at Cullen who stood near the door all he could do was avert his gaze.

That's when Duncan had come in. Irving spoke up against Neria's joining the Grey Warden, surprising her. Cullen could see the shock pass through her eyes. But eventually Gregoir gave up. Though he was _not _happy about it.

After that Cullen did his best to avoid her. A few of the mages had told him that she had been looking for him but he did not search her out.  
Instead he watched from the window as the Grey Wardens left the tower with Neria in tow. As they made their way through the gate he saw her look back and for a moment he thought she could see him.

She was getting what she had always wanted. He knew she could do it. She could become a Grey Warden and carve her own path, with or without him. There was no doubt that she would do great things.

When all the excitement had died down, he found himself sitting back at the templars table for the first time in a long while.  
"Oh yeah, Cullen. Surana had a message she had wanted me to pass on to you, seeing as you kept running away like a whipped dog all afternoon." A friend of his smirked.

Cullen scowled at him. He couldn't have faced Neria after all that. Had he have spoken to her there was no way he would have been able to keep everything a secret and she didn't deserve the weight of his feelings slowing her down as she made her way to battle.

Still, it hurt. He never _did_ get the courage to talk to her before all this. Maybe things would have turned out different if he had, who knows?

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" He asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"She told me to tell you, 'I'll see you again.'"

Cullen smiled.

* * *

**A/N: **So, I'd like to dedicate this piece to my sister, who actually got me to work on it long enough to finish it! I've always been intrigued by the mages history in the tower. I bet they were all very close, seeing as they basically grew up together. Anyway, if you enjoyed it a rate and review would be much appreciated! Thank you!


End file.
